Saturday, September 11, 2010

The O-Bible: Ayers' Rod

Exodus: Chapter 3

3:19 And I am sure that the Pharaoh Bush will not let you go, no, not by a mighty hand.

3:20 And I will stretch out my hand, and smite America with all my wonders which I will do in the midst thereof: and after that he will let you go.

3:21 And I will give this people favor in the sight of the Americans: and it shall come to pass, that, when ye go, ye shall not go empty:

3:22 But every woman shall borrow of her neighbor, and of her that mortgageth her house, earrings of silver, and noserings of gold, and tie-dyed raiment: and ye shall put them upon your sons, and upon your daughters; and ye shall not be able to distinguish the two.

Chapter 4

4:1 And Soros answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice: for they will say, Obama hath not appeared unto thee.

4:2 And Obama said unto him, What is that in thine hand? And he said, A microphone.

4:3 And he said, Cast it on the ground. And he cast it on the ground, and it became a teleprompter; and Soros fled from before it.

4:4 And Obama said unto Soros, Put forth thine hand, and take it by the cord. And he put forth his hand, and caught it, and it became a microphone in his hand:

4:5 That they may believe that Obama, the dreams of my father, the god of Matthews, the god of Olbermann, and the god of Thomas, hath appeared unto thee.

4:6 And Obama said furthermore unto him, Put now thine hand into thy bosom. And he put his hand into his bosom: and when he took it out, behold, his hand was barren.

4:7 And he said, Put thine hand into thy bosom again. And he put his hand into his bosom again; and plucked it out of his bosom, and, behold, it was loaded with a wad of cash.

4:8 And it shall come to pass, if they will not believe thee, neither hearken to the voice of the first sign, that they will believe the latter sign.

4:9 And it shall come to pass, if they will not believe also these two signs, neither hearken unto thy voice, that thou shalt take of the water of the gulf, and pour it upon the dry land: and the water which thou takest out of the gulf shall become blood upon the dry land.

4:10 And Soros said unto Obama, O my lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slurred of speech, and of a forked tongue.

4:11 And Obama said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind, or the Democrat? have not I, the lord?

4:12 Now therefore go, and I will be thy mouth, and shall say the words that are to be said.

4:13 And he said, O my lord, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him whom thou wilt send.

4:14 And the anger of Obama was kindled against Soros, and he said, Is not Ayers thy brother? I know that he can write well, and probably speaks just as well. And also, behold, he cometh forth to meet thee: and when he seeth thee, he will be glad in his heart.

4:15 And thou shalt speak unto him, and my words shall come from thy mouth: and I will be thy mouth, and with his pen, he will teach you what I shall do.

4:16 And he shall be my spokesman unto the people: and he shall be, even he shall be to them instead of my word, and thee shalt be to him instead of god.

4:17 And thou shalt take this microphone in thine hand, wherewith thou shalt do signs.

4:18 And Soros said, I shall go and speak of peace.

4:19 And Obama said unto Soros, Go, return into America: for all the German Jews are are dead which sought life.

4:20 And Soros took his wife and his sons, and set them upon his ass, and he returned to the land of America: and Soros took the microphone of Obama in his hand.

4:21 And Obama said unto Soros, When thou goest to return into America, see that thou do all those wonders before the Pharaoh Bush, which I have put in thine hand: but I will harden his heart, that he shall not let the people go.

4:22 And thou shalt say unto Pharaoh, Thus saith Obama, these children of Marxia are my sons, even my firstborn:

4:23 And I say unto thee, Let my people go, that they may serve me: and if thou refuse to let them go, behold, I will oppose thy war, even thy surge.

4:24 And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that Obama met him, and sought to ridicule him.

4:25 Then his wife took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of his son and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me.

4:26 So he let him go: then she said, A bloody husband thou art, because of the circumcision.

4:27 And Obama said to Ayers, Go into the wilderness to meet Soros. And he went, and met him on the mount of Soetero, and kissed him.

4:28 And Soros told Ayers all the words of Obama who had sent him, and all the signs which he had commanded him.

4:29 And Soros and Ayers went and gathered together all the elders of the children of Marxia:

4:30 And Ayers spake all the words which Obama had spoken unto Soros, and did the signs in the sight of the people.

4:31 And the people believed: and when they heard that Obama had visited the children of Marxia, and that he had looked upon their affliction, then they bowed their heads and worshiped.

Chapter 5

5:1 And afterward Soros and Ayers went in, and told the Pharaoh Bush, Thus saith Obama god of the Marxians, Let my people go, that they may hold a sacrifice unto me in the wilderness.

5:2 And Pharaoh said, Who is this Obama, that I should obey his voice to let the go? I know not this Obama, neither will I let these people go.

5:3 And they said, The god of the Marxians hath met with us: let us go, we pray thee, five days' journey into the desert, and sacrifice unto Obama our god; lest he fall upon us with stimulus, or with increased taxes.

5:4 And the king of America said unto them, Wherefore do ye, Soros and Ayers, let the people off from work? Do they not already have Labor Day and Martin Luther King day? get you unto your burdens.

5:5 And the Pharaoh Bush said, Behold, the people of the land now are many, and ye make them rest from their burdens.

5:6 And Pharaoh commanded the same day the social workers of the people, and their officers, saying,

5:7 Ye shall no more give the people cheese to make Velveeta bricks, as heretofore: let them go and gather cheese for themselves.

5:8 And the tale of the cheese bricks, which they did get from the Salvation Army heretofore, ye shall lay upon them; ye shall not diminish ought thereof: for they be idle; therefore they cry, saying, Let us go and sacrifice to Obama.

5:9 Let there be more work be laid upon the men, that they may labor therein; and let them not regard vain words.

5:10 And the social workers of the people went out, and their officers, and they spake to the people, saying, Thus saith the Pharaoh Bush, I will not give you cheese.

5:11 Go ye, get you cheese where ye can find it: yet not ought of your work shall be diminished.

5:12 So the people were scattered abroad throughout all the land of America to gather peanut butter instead of cheese.

5:13 And the social workers hasted them, saying, Fulfil your works, your daily tasks, as when there was cheese.

5:14 And the officers of the children of Marx, which Pharaoh's social workers had set over them, were beaten, and demanded, Wherefore have ye not fulfilled your task in making cheese brick both yesterday and to day, as heretofore?

5:15 Then the officers of the children of Marx came and cried unto the Pharaoh Bush, saying, Wherefore dealest thou thus with thy wards of the state?

5:16 There is no cheese given unto thy servants, and they say to us, Make cheese bricks: and, behold, thy servants are beaten; but the fault is in thine own people.

5:17 But he said, Ye are idle, ye are idle: therefore ye say, Let us go and do sacrifice to Obama.

5:18 Go therefore now, and work; for there shall no cheese be given you, yet shall ye deliver the tale of cheese bricks.

5:19 And the officers of the children of Marxia did see that they were in evil case, after it was said, Ye shall not diminish ought from your cheese bricks of your daily task.

5:20 And they met Soros and Ayers, who stood in the way, as they came forth from Pharaoh:

5:21 And they said unto them, Obama look upon you, and judge; because ye have made our savior to be abhorred in the eyes of Pharaoh, and in the eyes of his servants, to put an M-16 in their hand to slay us.

5:22 And Soros returned unto Obama, and said, Obama, wherefore hast thou so evil entreated this people? why is it that thou hast sent me?

5:23 For since I came to Pharaoh to speak thy name, he hath done evil to this people; neither hast thou delivered thy people cheese at all.

Chapter 6

6:1 Then Obama said unto Soros, Now shalt thou see what I will do to the Pharaoh Bush: for with a strong hand shall he let them go, and with a strong hand shall he drive them out of this land.

6:2 And Obama spake unto Soros, and said unto him, I am THE OBAMA:

6:3 And I appeared unto Matthews, unto Olbermann, and unto Thomas, by the name of Barack Hussein Obama, but by my name Soetero was I not known to them.

6:4 And I have also established my covenant with them, to render unto the radical left the land of Washington, the land of the pilgrims, wherein they were strangers.

6:5 And I have also heard the groaning of the children of Marxia, whom the Americans keep in bondage; and I have remembered my covenant.

6:6 Wherefore say unto the children of Marxia, I am The Obama, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Americans, and I will rid you out of their bondage, and I will redeem you with a stretched out arm, and with great reparations:

6:7 And I will take you to me for a people, and I will be to you a god: and ye shall know that I am Obama your god, which bringeth you out from under the burdens of America.

6:8 And I will bring you in unto the promised land, concerning that which I did swear to give it to Matthews, to Olbermann, and to Thomas; and I will give it you for an heritage: I am The Obama.

6:9 And Soros spake so unto the children of Marxia in the voice of Obama: but they hearkened not unto Soros for anguish of spirit, and for cruel bondage.

6:10 And the Obama spake unto Soros, saying,

6:11 Go in, speak unto the Pharaoh Bush king of America, that he let the children of Marxia go.

6:12 And Soros spake before Obama, saying, Behold, the children of Marxia have not hearkened unto me; how then shall Pharaoh hear me, who am of uncircumcised lips?

6:13 And Obama spake unto Soros and unto Ayers, and gave them a charge unto the children of Marxia, and unto the Pharaoh Bush king of America, to bring them out of the land of America.

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