The Nation is in Danger!!!

Comrades! The nation is in danger! Fascists are actively attempting to subvert and overthrow Our Democratically Elected Government!
It is reported that these racist saboteurs engage in bloody orgies and drink the blood of newborn babies! At these orgies, they worship the images of Satan and his top henchman George W. Bush and defile the Sacred Images of the One True G… Great Leader Barack Obama. They also make human sacrifices for the spirit of Ayn Rand, who is reported to have had the Number of the Beast written on her forehead.
It is also known that these racists are being financed by Big Business, which is threatening our Democracy! Remember, comrades, that every cent spent on fascist militias was obtained by Big Corporations through ruthless exploitation of the Middle Class, whose wages are getting more and more meager as tycoons and CEOs are receiving bigger and bigger profits and remuneration! You already feel the titanic burden of exploitation every time you buy goods from bloodthirsty demons working at Wal-Mart cash registers and deal with infernal Beelzebubs working at DHL! It is much better to deal with our Democratically Elected Government’s High-Speed Top-Quality United States Postal Service or with Reliable Government Stores like those that existed in the Soviet Union!
It is known for a fact that conservative militias cooperated with CIA to blow up the World Trade Center on 9/11, as well as with Hitler when he invaded Poland, with Japan when it attacked Pearl Harbor, with Mongols when they overran Eurasia and with the meteorite that destroyed the dinosaurs!
Moreover, racist conspirators are thwarting efforts by Bin Laden, the leader of Muslim freedom fighters, to combat fascist imperialism worldwide! Our Great and Noble Leader Barack Obama has pledged to aid our Muslim brethren committed to the cause of anti-imperialism!
It is also widely known that conservative saboteurs are attempting to derail the Government’s efforts to prevent the Cataclysmic Galaxy-Wide Apocalyptic Climate Change Supremegacatastrophe in order to destroy most of mankind out of pure spite. By speeding up the Climate Change Apocalypse, evil conservatives are trying to make the living conditions of the exploited and oppressed workers even more miserable.
Racist saboteurs are also impeding the Government’s efforts to make Our Healthcare System as efficient as the U.S. Postal Service and the Soviet economy. Their aim is to deprive you, comrades, of your sacred right to have the Government run your entire life and tell you what to do.
Racist militias and teabaggers are also conspiring with extraterrestrial civilizations and evil spirits to establish a New World Order in order to exploit the Third World by supplying it with evil products of capitalism (SUVs, mobile phones, the Internet, central heating, plumbing etc) and thus destroying their pristine natural environment of disease-infested jungle and excrements and their rich culture of cannibalism, human sacrifices and stoning for heresy.
Comrades! Our Founding Fathers, Founding Mothers and Founding Trans-Gender Persons endowed us with unalienable rights to live at other people’s expense and have free lunches whenever we want! Such U.S. Founding Persons as Karl Marx and Saul Alinsky fought for our right to have our cake and eat it too! Let us prevent evil racist conspirators and Zionist spies from destroying this noble heritage!