Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Progressive Ten Commandments

I am the Gouvernment thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Liberty, from the house of self-bondage.

Thou shalt have no other Gouvernments before me; except for Worlde Gouvernment, which thy Gouvernment and some lawyers from Bruxelles presently worketh on.

Thou shalt not maketh thee any graven coin, or any likeness of any thing that retaineth intrinsic value, of any precious metal that is in the earth beneath, or claimeth that money is anything other than the Gouvernment thy God saith it is:

Thou shalt not worketh for thyself alone, nor serveth thyself: for I the Gouvernment thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the Founding Fathers upon their rebellious children unto the thirteenth and fourteenth generation of them that hateth me;

And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that loveth me and keepeth my commandments by not relocating them to thy local FEMA Campe:

Thou shalt not take the name of the Gouvernment thy God in vain: for thy LORD Obama will not hold him guiltless that taketh the Gouvernment's name in vain, for the Gouvernment hateth paperwork.

Keepeth the Earthe Day to sanctify it, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee. Please recalle ye to separate thy recyclables.

One halfe of thy days thou shalt labour, and do all thy work:

But the second-halfe is that of the Gouvernment thy God's: in it thou shalt work, but not keepeth the earnings for thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thine ox, nor thine ass, nor any of thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates; but for that of the Common Goode and especially the Democrat constituents so that they may have rest, lest thou be considered greedy and selfish and the starver of children.

And remember that thou wast once a freeman in the land of Liberty, and that the LORD Obama brought thee out thence through a mighty hand and by a stretched out arm: therefore the Gouvernment thy God commanded thee to keep the Holy Taxe Day as well.

Honour thy Senator and thy Congressman, as the LORD Obama hath commanded thee, tho they be but rubber stamps for the Lord; that thy days may be prolonged, quite literally under thy newly implemented Healthcare planne, and that your medicine may go well with thee, in the land of pleasant idleness which the LORD Obama promiseth to giveth thee. And Also:

Thou shalt not kill. Except for olde people and babies too young to knoweth the difference.

Neither shalt thou commit adultery, which is henceforth redefined under Article IV, Section XII as "taking on the duties and responsibilities of an adult."

Thou shalt steal.

Thou shalt bear false witness against thy neighbour, especially if he disagreeth with any of these commandments, and be sure to turneth in his name to the proper authorities.

Neither shalt thou desire anything, tho one may yet covet thy neighbour's house, his car, his money, his 401K pension plan, his investment portfolio, and verily, even his ass, or anything else that is thy neighbour's, for the Gouvernment thy God intend to seizeth it and parceleth it up into a million pieces to redistribute among the adoring masses.

Blessed be the Lord Obama's name. A man.

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